Who I Am Now

Yesterday I shared a bit of who I used to be. Following the example of the Apostle Paul's testimony given in Acts 21, I began sharing that I was a liar. Any judge worthy of serving justice would have declared me a liar in contempt of court. Today I'm sharing who I am now, and what changed me. 

But God (Romans 5:8), who is rich in mercy and abounding in compassion, saw fit to give to me grace. What I used to be is no longer who I now am. The grace of God has been revealed in my life through many victorious changes. The primary change I've shared here is how my life used to be ruled by deceit, but now, my life has become ruled by the Truth. 

Repentance is an overwhelming gift from God. The theme of Jesus' teaching was repentance and the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 4:17). Repentance isn't something a liar does on their own. It is not the logical step in a long process of escape. Repentance is a long process of dying to self and living for God.

To apologize, accept consequences, and then go to war to never again fall into that previous thing is a glorious victory. It's not something that comes naturally. What could make a liar want to suddenly tell the truth? What could convince a liar that deceit was worse in the short term and the long term? How could the Truth become attractive, when it before had been so terrifying?

Some would say "life experience" or "tough lessons". That is no explanation for me. I had life experience, I had lies that were exposed. I had tough lessons (my parents especially bore wounds at my expense). The only thing I kept learning from each "lesson" was that I had told the wrong lie. I never came to believe on my own that what was wrong was my entire desire and nature to lie. 

But God (Romans 5:8), who is rich in mercy and abounding in compassion, saw fit to give me grace. I did not earn God's pity. I did not earn God's love. I did not earn God's acceptance or even his tolerance. All my lies earned me before God was righteous judgment (Revelation 21:8). The only explanation for who I am now is that I was confronted, I was changed, I was dead and God made me alive (Ephesians 2:1). The only explanation for who I was, and who I now am is God's grace.

Truth now is a primary aspect of my life. From the most challenging situations to the dull moments of conversation, telling the truth is of utmost priority. When the temptation to lie now arises it is an opportunity to overcome that thing that had me enslaved before. The lure of lies used to be an escape. To escape the consequences of the truth, to delay or avoid a response to the truth. Rather than escaping the truth, I was confronted and changed by the Truth. I have escaped from the lies through the one who was the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6). 

I have escaped the righteous judgment of God upon liars because someone else took my place (1 John 4:10). God had planned to have someone who knew no sin, to become sin for my sake (2 Corinthians 5:21). This is why I am not who I used to be. It has nothing to do with maturity, or personal growth, or tough life lessons. It's because the God who made all things, sent his Son to stand in my place and receive all of the justice that my life, my lies had earned. It's because the God who made all things chose to regenerate me through his Holy Spirit.

I don't rejoice in the temptations I still experience. I do rejoice in the One who gives me victory in overcoming those temptations. Struggles abound in this life. Yet in this life, my struggles are different. I am not perfect. Yet, my struggles in who I am now are a distance different from my struggles before. Prior to repentance and faith, my struggle was against the truth. I hated it and resisted it at every turn. Now I struggle against temptation and I love the truth. The Truth himself has come and set me free (John 8:34-38). 

I am united to the One who is perfect (1 Corinthians 6:17). I am so close with him, and he is so close with me, that it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me (Galatians 2:20). Through many apologies, many consequences, many tears, and many trials, God has worked repentance in me. I am not a finished product. God still continues to work in me, changing me daily (Philippians 1:6). I am not aimlessly growing like some wild weed in a garden. I am firmly planted by the God who planted the first garden. I am steadily growing in my love, loyalty, and witness of the Truth (Hebrews 13:20-21). 

For someone who was enslaved to deceit, every temptation to lie is an opportunity to either betray the love of God or declare loyalty to the Son of God. In this way, and in so many more, I am no longer who I once was. I once was dead due to my own thoughts, words, and deeds (Romans 3:23), but now I'm alive due to the grace of God through Jesus (Romans 3:24). 

Lies never could provide me with satisfaction, rest, or joy. Yet these things have been given to me apart from lies. These things have been given to me from the very source of what I was once running from - the Truth. I have been set free from lies and now am in bondage to the Truth. Whatever happens in all the rest of my days, I owe my allegiance to the One who gave himself for his people (Titus 2:14). 

If you have not been confronted by this grace of God, I echo what the Apostle Paul, and many others have said through the ages, that you would be as I am (Acts 26:29). Seek God while he may yet be found (Isaiah 55:6). 

If you have been confronted by this grace of God, then I write this to encourage you of our common fellowship in God and complete our mutual joy (1 John 1:4). May God lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  May each temptation which does arise in our lives be moments we more fully experience the triumph of God's grace in us. May God lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. 

What is your story? Do you have a beginning, middle and end? Have you been confronted by God's grace? Who did you used to be? Who are you now? Thank you for taking the time to read some of the story of God's grace to me.