Wisdom, Witness, Word (A few words on our attitudes and actions in conflict)
Today we are going to discuss an approach to seeking to follow God's Word in the midst of conflict even when there is no direct comparison immediately available to us in the Bible. The approach is rather straight forward:
1. Wisdom (seek it in God's Word)
2. Witness (Follow Christ's example)
3. Word (Evaluate your involvement with God's Word)
Wisdom
God's Word is stocked with wisdom for every situation. We can confidently say that God has not neglected, forgotten or left out wisdom that is needed for the Christian life. While there may not be a direct parallel for your immediate conflict in the Bible, there is wisdom which can direct your actions and attitude in the immediate conflict.
Both actions and attitude can be informed and shaped by the wisdom of God's Word in the midst of disputes. One particular book that is filled with instruction for wise living is the book of Proverbs. In one section of Proverbs there is found a wonderful treasure trove of godly counsel for those embroiled in disagreement.
1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 2 The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. 3 The eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good. 4 The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit. 5 A fool spurns a parent’s discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence. (Proverbs 15:1-5)
While I don't always know if my course of action in the midst of a conflict is the "right one", almost anyone can recognize quickly when my course of attitude is definitively the wrong one. In some conflicts in my life I've cared little and shown even less consideration for the other person in the conflict. Sometimes in the midst of conflict we could not care less if the other person is stirred to anger or provoked to wrath. While we cannot control others responses to our actions and attitudes in conflict, we can control our actions and attitudes. In conflict, are we seeking to give gentle answers that seek the good of those involved? Or are we stern, stubborn, stiff necked and superior, speaking provocation rather than peace (15:1)? Are my words in conflict gushing folly (15:2)? If I could hear myself on an audio playback from this moment in a week, a month, a year, would I regret the actions and attitude I'm displaying (15:3)? Are my words crushing the other people involved in this conflict, or are my words like a source of life (15:4)? Is there correction and improvement available in my actions or attitude? In other words, am I conducting myself in this conflict in a way that is above reproach, rebuke, or correction (15:5)?
While not every conflict in our lives will match up with a description of conflict in the Bible, we are not left without wisdom, guidance, instruction, challenge, and rebuke regarding our own conduct. God's Word gives wisdom. Oh if only we would seek God's wisdom in his word!
Witness
While wisdom should inform and guide our actions and attitude, the witness of Christ should empower us in the midst of conflict. Christ Jesus suffered at the hands of evil people. Full stop. Take a moment to consider this. Christ Jesus did not think he should "get his way", but instead submitted himself, humbled himself to the point of death on a cross (Philippians 2:8). Remembering Jesus' life ought to cause me to step back from the immediate conflict and genuinely reflect "Am I conducting myself in a way that represents my Lord faithfully?". There are certainly times in my life where I've taken time in prayer and sought counsel from wise believers and come away answering "Yes, I believe I am able to say I'm earnestly and humbly seeking to represent Christ faithfully in this conflict". There are many more times in my life where I've not considered Christ's life in the midst of my conflict, and then had to look back in regret at my actions and attitude.
In our conflicts we Christians have impressive opportunities to emulate (follow) our Lord. We are given a chance to either assert our own dominance, or submit and show deference. We are provided moments where we can tangibly, practically manifest a disposition that embodies self-giving humility, or self-worshipping pride. When we pray to grow in faith, we should not be shocked that God gives to us a growing list of conflicts! These are opportunities to lean less on ourselves and look more to Christ's life. Even when we are absolutely, totally and completely 100% correct in a conflict, are we handling the conflict in a way which faithfully represents Christ's love and Lordship in our lives?
It is within conflict, strife, risk, and potential harm that our witness is on full display before the courtroom of the world. Peter, on the night Jesus was betrayed had three disputes with people around him. He was put to question very pointedly by three people whether or not he knew Jesus:
56 Then a servant girl, seeing him as he sat in the light and looking closely at him, said, “This man also was with him.” 57 But he denied it, saying, “Woman, I do not know him.” 58 And a little later someone else saw him and said, “You also are one of them.” But Peter said, “Man, I am not.” 59 And after an interval of about an hour still another insisted, saying, “Certainly this man also was with him, for he too is a Galilean.” 60 But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are talking about.” And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. (Luke 22:56-60)
Here Peter was in a conflict and he was dead wrong in so many ways! He was wrong in his assertion. He lied about his association. And he denied other's accusations. In the midst of a conflict Peter very practically, pragmatically, and tangibly failed in this opportunity to witness about Jesus. With a world brimming with lost people watching, will we Christians conduct ourselves in the midst of conflict with an eye and mind remembering Christ's example? Will we prioritize our position in a conflict, or will we prioritize our witness of Christ Jesus even in the midst of conflict?
Word
Not every conflict will have a direct parallel from the Bible. That doesn't mean our actions and attitude should be something other than what we are instructed and commanded in the Bible! While you may have a present real conflict, and your judgement may be murky and clouded regarding the best course forward to take, the Bible is never murky or clouded on our conduct and disposition. Christians are never authorized to forsake loving their neighbors (Matthew 22:37-40). The love of God and the love of neighbor are the foundational commandments of God's law. Love in the Bible is not a warm, fuzzy affection. Love in the Bible means to lay down ones life for another (1 John 3:16). Love means to do unto others as we would have them do to us (Luke 6:31). It is by Christian love that the world knows we are different from them (John 13:35). When in conflict we can go to God's Word to evaluate whether or not our actions and attitude line up with the call of God for believers.
Are my actions and attitude displaying forgiveness? Christ has called me to forgive time and time again (Matthew 18:21-22). Are my actions and attitude motivated by pride? Am I causing a quarrel? Christ has called me to forsake pride and to strive against quarreling (James 4:1-7)! Have my words been words of truth, or poison in the midst of this conflict and about this conflict (James 4:11)?
Lastly, what should we do when the Word of God confronts us, and our attitudes and actions are shown to fall short of Christ's expectations? Thankfully we have instruction from God's Word on this as well. In a word, we repent! We apologize even in the midst of conflict for our sin and we seek to no longer continue in the same sin (James 5:16). Even if we believe that someone else may have a cause against us (not just that we think we are guilty, but at the possibility of it) we are to go and seek forgiveness (Matthew 5:34-24). We are to actively take part in the wholescale emptying of ourselves every remnant of sin.
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
So don't give yourself over to despair, depression, or hopelessness if you find you are convicted in your heart about your attitude or actions in conflict. Realize that even this guilty conscience you are aware of is a gift of God growing his repentance and faith in you!
In summary, we should never think that because we are in the presence of conflict that Christ's expectations of our actions and attitudes are removed. Conflict is a source of huge opportunities for Christ-like witnessing before a watching world and encouragement to the whole church of God! What mighty power of God is on display when people who should be stricken with quarrels live in unity! What a glorious testimony of God's rich grace when differences of opinion are overcome with humility and self sacrifice! How majestic is the group of believers who love one another well in the midst of temptation to slander!
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